Hannah, I loved looking at your storybook site, Birds Rights Activists. It was really very humorous! If I could give you a couple critiques for feedback purposes, I would say, enhance the look of your website. Add some pictures to the home page and make it look creative! Your blog for the class accomplishes this goal very well and so I know you are creative and talented! Second of all, you definitely have to have an introduction, so I think you could make your introduction really unique! I don’t necessarily understand why you called your storybook, the Birds Rights Activists, so the introduction would be a perfect place to explain it! I think that it is a very creative title, so there are so many possibilities for the introduction. Overall, you did a great job and I cannot wait to see what else you write for your storybook, especially the introduction!
I was really excited to reading your storybook because I have been eying it for a while. I love stories with animal narrators. I have never read one from a bird... I like that this is going to be the Indian Epics told from the viewpoint of a bird (I expect, correct me if I’m wrong.) And from reading your introduction I imagine a lot of the stories may start out as some type of disturbance on the bird’s part which causes them to watch the characters. There were a few problems I found with your writing, such as the word “wingses”. I was also a little confused because your bird-self mentioned that you were going to list offenses and demands, and I only really saw one offense. Unless you meant “in the following stories you will find…” rather than “below you will find…” . I’m not sure if you meant to do that because your bird claws are not too good at typing, or what. I’m really interested to see your first story!
I am working on fixing the weird continuity problems in the intro. Also, the spelling and grammar mistakes were actually intentional, because I wanted the story to sound silly and from an animal perspective. I am sort of copy-catting this: https://twitter.com/ProBirdRights?ref_src=twsrc^google|twcamp^serp|twgr^author I think I'll add a little author's note to the intro, because I lot of people are bringing this to attention.
I have looked at your homepage and your introduction. I will start with the homepage. I like that you have a picture of a bird and a short description letting me know that your story is going to involve birds. In your introduction, I did notice that you forgot to take off the comments box on the bottom. That is one of the requirements for the assignment so you might want to get rid of it. Just click on "more actions" then "page setting" and you just unclick the allow comments box. Overall, I like the concept of your storybook. I think using the birds is a unique way to tell their stories. There were some grammatical errors that I noticed but I think if you just reread it, you will easily see them and be able to fix them. I can't wait to read more of your stories though!
Oops! I forgot about the comments. Thanks for pointing that out. Also, the spelling and grammar mistakes were intentional, because I wanted the story to sound silly and from an animal perspective. I'm actually parodying a Twitter account of the same name. I should probably include a little about that, so that my grammar seems less horrendous. I actually work as a writing tutor; my writing is generally not riddled with so much ridiculousness.
Hannah, I chose your storybook as my free choice! I was browsing through my options and noticed your title "Birds Rights Activists." I thought to myself, "Hmm that sounds odd... I'm curious!" I chuckled so much at the bird's narration. I thought your introduction was funny! It kept me engaged as I pictured an angry little bird squawking about his problems. This narrator is a bit of a conceited bird which made it even funnier. I liked how you formatted your introduction as a form of protest. I'm currently taking a protest class called Modern Protest Movements, and it's interesting to link what I've learned in that class to this little birdy's protest. One suggestion I'd like to make is to improve your author's note to include background information of your story. I'd like to know why birds? I'd also need to refresh my mind about Sarthak and his adventures. Other than that, I'll be back to read more!
Hey Hannah! So I was interested in reading your storybook when we first started doing these and so I decided to come back and read yours for one of my extra credit options because I thought it would be interesting! Thank you for making your storybook so lighthearted and fun!
I liked your storybook overall, it's colorful and fun and has all the intentional spelling mistakes that I could imagine a bird as colorful as Sarthak would make. I think that it's really fun to take something so silly and use it to show something a little more serious. Despite only being a small bird he does have a point! Imagine all the problems that the fighting between all these demigods, gods and demons have caused that haven't even been thought of! I'm sure that Sarthak will come up with plenty of offenses in his search for the accidentally wronged!
I think his might be the most unique storybook I have read so far. I absolutely love the pictures you took of the birds outside your house. The photography was really well done and some of those shots were so amazing they looked professional! That's awesome that you are able to combine one of your personal hobbies with the story telling assignment. I love the idea of birds writing a journal about all of their complaints against humans and the wrongful acts they have committed. It was also funny how you included the intentional misspellings of words to make it feel more like it was written by birds. It was an interesting point to bring up how all of these battle scenes throughout the Indian Epics must affect the wildlife. It seems like their is always some sort of catastrophic battle going on where everything is burned down and destroyed in the process. Im'm sure the animals must hate that! Great job!
Hi Hannah! This is such a unique idea for a storybook, and I think it will allow you to tell a lot of interesting stories. Your storybook has a really nice layout, and I like how the cloud effect adds to the bird theme. Your pictures look really cool, and they do give a face to the narrators of the storybook that makes it more relatable. I like how you included purposeful grammatical errors in the introduction. It not only makes it more entertaining and believable, but it helps give the birds a much more believable voice. Your author's note was a bit short and I would have really liked more of an insight into why you're choosing to tell these stories and in the is manner. I really look forward to seeing what else you do with your storybook!
I really enjoyed reading your storybook and introduction. Your take on the Indian Epics is so interesting and creative. I never would have thought to write my storybook about birds or in the perspective of birds. I have never really been curious about birds but now that you have mentioned them in your storybook I am intrigued.
I really like the image you included. It is a beautiful and colorful picture of a bird. It really represents your storybook well and appropriately.
I was going to mention some spelling and grammar errors but then I realized that they were intentional. This is an interesting styles of writing you chose. I have never seen someone intentionally choose to write with grammar and spelling mistakes but in your case it makes sense. It really expressed the character’s personality and character. Good job, Hannah! I look forward to reading more of your posts or stories.
Your storybook is very unique. I have never thought about a birds perspective on subjects or feelings. It is actually really great! Swarming seems like such a terrible thing Ha! So your title page looks great. I like your image of the finch and I think so far, you are going to end up with a great storybook project. I think your inclusion of the “formal complaint department” with the gods was really inventive and it will really make your story stand out.
Your introduction is also very playful, while serious (on the birds part at least). Out of all of the characters in the Epics we have read birds are far from the first on my mind. I am excited to see how your first story pans out. Your introduction has intrigued me and I am interested in the rest of your story.
Hey Hannah! I enjoyed reading your storybook. I thought it was interesting how you used birds and I thought it was great. I like your cover page and the image you used as well. I think your storybook is ver promising. Your introduction was well written and easy to follow. Your introduction made me want to read more of your story. I like the pictures of the birds you used. I thought the design of your storybook looks really good and colorful. great job so far! I will be looking forward to reading more stories.
Hannah, I loved looking at your storybook site, Birds Rights Activists. It was really very humorous! If I could give you a couple critiques for feedback purposes, I would say, enhance the look of your website. Add some pictures to the home page and make it look creative! Your blog for the class accomplishes this goal very well and so I know you are creative and talented! Second of all, you definitely have to have an introduction, so I think you could make your introduction really unique! I don’t necessarily understand why you called your storybook, the Birds Rights Activists, so the introduction would be a perfect place to explain it! I think that it is a very creative title, so there are so many possibilities for the introduction. Overall, you did a great job and I cannot wait to see what else you write for your storybook, especially the introduction!
ReplyDeleteI was really excited to reading your storybook because I have been eying it for a while. I love stories with animal narrators. I have never read one from a bird... I like that this is going to be the Indian Epics told from the viewpoint of a bird (I expect, correct me if I’m wrong.) And from reading your introduction I imagine a lot of the stories may start out as some type of disturbance on the bird’s part which causes them to watch the characters. There were a few problems I found with your writing, such as the word “wingses”. I was also a little confused because your bird-self mentioned that you were going to list offenses and demands, and I only really saw one offense. Unless you meant “in the following stories you will find…” rather than “below you will find…” . I’m not sure if you meant to do that because your bird claws are not too good at typing, or what. I’m really interested to see your first story!
ReplyDeleteI am working on fixing the weird continuity problems in the intro. Also, the spelling and grammar mistakes were actually intentional, because I wanted the story to sound silly and from an animal perspective. I am sort of copy-catting this: https://twitter.com/ProBirdRights?ref_src=twsrc^google|twcamp^serp|twgr^author I think I'll add a little author's note to the intro, because I lot of people are bringing this to attention.
DeleteI have looked at your homepage and your introduction. I will start with the homepage. I like that you have a picture of a bird and a short description letting me know that your story is going to involve birds. In your introduction, I did notice that you forgot to take off the comments box on the bottom. That is one of the requirements for the assignment so you might want to get rid of it. Just click on "more actions" then "page setting" and you just unclick the allow comments box. Overall, I like the concept of your storybook. I think using the birds is a unique way to tell their stories. There were some grammatical errors that I noticed but I think if you just reread it, you will easily see them and be able to fix them. I can't wait to read more of your stories though!
ReplyDeleteOops! I forgot about the comments. Thanks for pointing that out. Also, the spelling and grammar mistakes were intentional, because I wanted the story to sound silly and from an animal perspective. I'm actually parodying a Twitter account of the same name. I should probably include a little about that, so that my grammar seems less horrendous. I actually work as a writing tutor; my writing is generally not riddled with so much ridiculousness.
DeleteHannah,
ReplyDeleteI chose your storybook as my free choice! I was browsing through my options and noticed your title "Birds Rights Activists." I thought to myself, "Hmm that sounds odd... I'm curious!" I chuckled so much at the bird's narration. I thought your introduction was funny! It kept me engaged as I pictured an angry little bird squawking about his problems. This narrator is a bit of a conceited bird which made it even funnier. I liked how you formatted your introduction as a form of protest. I'm currently taking a protest class called Modern Protest Movements, and it's interesting to link what I've learned in that class to this little birdy's protest. One suggestion I'd like to make is to improve your author's note to include background information of your story. I'd like to know why birds? I'd also need to refresh my mind about Sarthak and his adventures. Other than that, I'll be back to read more!
Hey Hannah!
ReplyDeleteSo I was interested in reading your storybook when we first started doing these and so I decided to come back and read yours for one of my extra credit options because I thought it would be interesting! Thank you for making your storybook so lighthearted and fun!
I liked your storybook overall, it's colorful and fun and has all the intentional spelling mistakes that I could imagine a bird as colorful as Sarthak would make. I think that it's really fun to take something so silly and use it to show something a little more serious. Despite only being a small bird he does have a point! Imagine all the problems that the fighting between all these demigods, gods and demons have caused that haven't even been thought of! I'm sure that Sarthak will come up with plenty of offenses in his search for the accidentally wronged!
I think his might be the most unique storybook I have read so far. I absolutely love the pictures you took of the birds outside your house. The photography was really well done and some of those shots were so amazing they looked professional! That's awesome that you are able to combine one of your personal hobbies with the story telling assignment. I love the idea of birds writing a journal about all of their complaints against humans and the wrongful acts they have committed. It was also funny how you included the intentional misspellings of words to make it feel more like it was written by birds. It was an interesting point to bring up how all of these battle scenes throughout the Indian Epics must affect the wildlife. It seems like their is always some sort of catastrophic battle going on where everything is burned down and destroyed in the process. Im'm sure the animals must hate that! Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Hannah! This is such a unique idea for a storybook, and I think it will allow you to tell a lot of interesting stories. Your storybook has a really nice layout, and I like how the cloud effect adds to the bird theme. Your pictures look really cool, and they do give a face to the narrators of the storybook that makes it more relatable. I like how you included purposeful grammatical errors in the introduction. It not only makes it more entertaining and believable, but it helps give the birds a much more believable voice. Your author's note was a bit short and I would have really liked more of an insight into why you're choosing to tell these stories and in the is manner. I really look forward to seeing what else you do with your storybook!
ReplyDeleteHey Hannah!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your storybook and introduction. Your take on the Indian Epics is so interesting and creative. I never would have thought to write my storybook about birds or in the perspective of birds. I have never really been curious about birds but now that you have mentioned them in your storybook I am intrigued.
I really like the image you included. It is a beautiful and colorful picture of a bird. It really represents your storybook well and appropriately.
I was going to mention some spelling and grammar errors but then I realized that they were intentional. This is an interesting styles of writing you chose. I have never seen someone intentionally choose to write with grammar and spelling mistakes but in your case it makes sense. It really expressed the character’s personality and character. Good job, Hannah! I look forward to reading more of your posts or stories.
Hello Hannah,
ReplyDeleteYour storybook is very unique. I have never thought about a birds perspective on subjects or feelings. It is actually really great! Swarming seems like such a terrible thing Ha! So your title page looks great. I like your image of the finch and I think so far, you are going to end up with a great storybook project. I think your inclusion of the “formal complaint department” with the gods was really inventive and it will really make your story stand out.
Your introduction is also very playful, while serious (on the birds part at least). Out of all of the characters in the Epics we have read birds are far from the first on my mind. I am excited to see how your first story pans out. Your introduction has intrigued me and I am interested in the rest of your story.
Hey Hannah!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your storybook. I thought it was interesting how you used birds and I thought it was great. I like your cover page and the image you used as well. I think your storybook is ver promising. Your introduction was well written and easy to follow. Your introduction made me want to read more of your story. I like the pictures of the birds you used. I thought the design of your storybook looks really good and colorful. great job so far! I will be looking forward to reading more stories.